Queer Dollars - A Salvation Army Protest Action

I was at my local Fred Meyer the other evening, and passed a Salvation Army bell-ringer.  I really wanted to yell at him (cuz I'm cranky like that) but realized it wouldn't do any good or have much impact.  I'm also not really the kind of person to stop and have a political discussion with an ignorant but possibly well-meaning person (see above re: prone to crankiness).

So I next had the thought that for every bell-ringer I see this holiday season, I'd donate a certain amount to a local organization that serves homeless and/or low-income folks that doesn't discriminate.  And that I'd let Salvation Army know that I was doing so.  In my own region, I can donate to places like Stonewall Youth, ISIS House, Lambert House, Teen Feed, and Queer Youth Space Seattle, to name a few.

Which led to the creation of these queer dollars to put in the kettle instead (hat to to Jess!).  This is not a new idea - other folks have done similar things in the past.  I particularly wanted to showcase that this is queer money that the SA is losing out on, and make sure they knew about organizations that are actually getting it right and therefore receiving my donation.  Because it's important to me that poor and homeless folks should not have to be discriminated against or proselytized to in order to get some help or some basic necessities of life.

(An image made to resemble a $3 US dollar bill; it features an image of Audre Lorde in the middle, a gay pride flag on the left, and a trans* pride flag on the right.  The text reads "when the Salvation Army ends its policy of religious bigotry against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, then, and only then, will this be a real dollar bill. This bill is not legal tender"

(A plain text box with the words "Instead of donating to the Salvation Army, I am donating to the following organization, which serves and does not discriminate against LGBTQ individuals:")

I decided to use an image of Audre Lorde because a) she's AUDRE LORDE, and b) I like the punniness of the last name in the context of a protest against the Salvation Army.

For best results, print out on a color printer (though b&w will be fine, too).  It's two pages, and the pdfs are formatted so that you can print on front and back.  Or you could just print the front side and write your own message on the back.

Enjoy, print/copy, and distribute liberally!  https://www.dropbox.com/sh/0jqfmcevc5zn09j/hdfHzdkBkb
And don't forget to donate to a deserving local org - feel free to share who you're donating to and where they are in the comments!

For more on the Salvation Army and this issue:
http://www.bilerico.com/2011/11/why_you_shouldnt_donate_to_the_salvation_army_bell.php
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/26/salvation-army-gay-rights-voucher_n_2192085.html
http://www.inquisitr.com/412831/salvation-army-official-gays-deserve-death/
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/24/us/beliefs-salvation-army-hears-dissent-over-gay-views.html?_r=0

(I do not own any of these images or words.  I borrowed an image of a 3-dollar bill from the interwebs, found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Queer_Dollars-3.jpg  If it's your creation and you feel I have stolen your art, please contact me and I will either include your name as a credit on the bill or use different images.)

Contact me: crankypantsfemme@gmail.com

Update:  An intrepid friend has found the original creator of the 3 dollar bill and a few others (like a Canadian version)!  http://www.angelfire.com/rock/sluttyrockstar/queerdollars.html  Clearly many of us are thinking along the same lines.

This is why I can't work at a Halloween store.

I worked yesterday in one of those temporary Halloween stores that spring up in abandoned big-box stores. When you are completely, utterly, flat broke and you hear about a temp job at a local Halloween store and you are me, you think "oh, that could be kinda fun!"  And you who are me would be wrong.

Thankfully, I got a call this morning about a WAY better job (wherein I make more money and do the exact opposite of selling my soul), so I quit the Halloween job immediately.  There are many reasons why I could feel my soul curdling and my deeply held beliefs shouting at me during my one day of work; let's enumerate them here, shall we?

1. During my interview, I was basically told that if I saw my co-workers stealing, I should rat them out, and that in fact, it is SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN - with reports and everything - that 80% of all theft is actually from employees, not customers.  Now, in all fairness, the managers who interviewed me seem like nice people (and one of them is known to be so by a mutual friend) and were literally reading from a script, but...it successfully instilled the feeling of "WE'RE WATCHING YOU, TEMPORARY EMPLOYEE SCUM!"  Also, later I was informed that no one except managers can take out the garbage.  This is not an egalitarian role-reversal, oh no:  it's because employees might steal something by tossing it in the trash!  The former union organizer in me started to fill with rage.

2. The store's costumes are broken down by gender.  Which happens in many stores, but here's a fun example:  BOYS CAREERS = cop and military. Boys are authority figures.  Boys like uniforms.  And guns.  GIRLS CAREERS = there are no girls careers costumes.  Instead, we have GIRLS FAIRIES AND ANGELS.  Girls do not need careers because they can have wings!  and tiaras!  and pinkpinkpinkpinkpink!!!  Also, we have "naughty" costumes for pre-teen girls.  Again, rage.  I know there are lots more gross sexist examples, but I think I got too blinded by THE RAGE because I can't remember them right now.

3. AROUND THE WORLD is another section at the store.  Just guess what that means!  Go ahead, GUESS!  If you guessed lots and lots of racist pain, you're a winner!  The prize is white girls dressed up as "geishas" and white boys being "little Indians"!  And for the adults, Arabic Sheiks and Pimp/Rapper (actually, that one's for the little boys, too) and OHMYFUCKINGGODTHERAGE.

4. And everything is mass-produced in China and is so, so cheap and is also off-gassing potentially carcinogenic chemicals.  Vomit.

The Halloween where there are ghosts and skeletons and creepy zombies and spooky stories told 'round the campfire and bowls full of eyeballs/peeled grapes?  Awesome.  The Halloween where we shit on workers, reify some horrific gender roles and are disgusting racist appropriators?  NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO.

(p.s. Can I just reiterate how thankful and excited I am to have gotten this other job, where I will be making a good wage and supporting an AWESOME anti-violence org?  SO THANKFUL AND EXCITED.)

(p.p.s. Lots of ALL CAPS TODAY.  Apparently I am having FEELINGS, BIG FEELINGS.)

A rambling rant (that started out as a thank-you) on biphobia and transphobia.

I am thankful for the BECAUSE community, thankful that conference was there when I was 20 years old and just coming out as bi. I was a new queer kid, I was privileged and sheltered and I sometimes think that if I hadn't come out as bi and attended that conference, I too would be one of those who all too often forget the T in LGBT, or try to dismiss it.

Because of the awesome bisexual folks of varied gender history and identity who organized and attended the conference, it never occurred to me that trans folk wouldn't be a part of my queer community. It never occurred to me that they were less than. It never occurred to me that they weren't part of my queer feminist community. It also never occurred to me that someone would stop being bisexual or queer just because of their current partner's gender. At BECAUSE, we were all there because our sexuality (and sometimes our gender too) didn't fit into an either/or – we were all both/and. I met genderqueer kids before that word existed. I met magnificent people of many genders and sexualities from the very beginning and because of that, I felt more comfortable exploring my own gender and sexuality.

We were tired of being the forgotten and disrespected B's and T's. We booed Elizabeth Birch of the Human Rights Campaign when she gave a speech and consistently said only “gay and lesbian.” We shared experiences of being treated rudely and painfully by lesbians and dykes, who often placed ads that said “no bi's” and didn't consider trans women women.

So it boggles my mind that 16 years later, we are still fighting this battle. I and many others still experience biphobic remarks from lesbians/dykes/queer women, and women who are trans are still consistently excluded from and made to feel unwelcome in women's spaces and communities. It boggles my mind that “queer” went from being a word that encompassed all deviant, radical sexualities to a word that for many basically only means “gay and lesbian.” That it's okay for queer women to date guys who are trans – their communities will still accept them, for the most part. But if that same queer woman was to date a non-trans guy, well then suddenly she's suspect, she doesn't belong. This happens all the time and I will tell you that it is happening right now in the supposedly progressive and radical queer community of the PNW to someone I know. Not a theoretical someone – an actual person is being judged and dismissed and excluded because of other peoples' assumptions about her partner's gender, and it is just so stupid.

And while I don't think gay marriage is where we should be devoting so much of our money and resources, and while I think it is necessary to think critical about the cultural and religious institution of marriage, I also don't think we need to dismiss and denigrate those queers who get married, whether it's sanctioned by the state or not. Since when did two people expressing love and commitment to each other become something to mock or despise? Isn't that part of what we're fighting for: the right to express our love and desire, in all of its permutations?

I am just so tired of us doing this to ourselves, because don't we get enough of this from the world at large? What is up with that need to define and exclude? Are our identities and lives so fragile that they are threatened by others'?

What it means for one person to not have health insurance.

I can't walk without near-constant pain.  I have self-diagnosed (well, with the help of a medically-inclined friend) plantar fascitis, and have sprained both ankles several times, not quite recovering from the last time about 3 months ago.  It's not immobilizing, but between feeling like there are deep bruises on the bottoms of my heels, ankle-joint pain and looseness, it's not so fun to be active anymore, which is creating a vicious cycle of pain and inactivity.

When I fell and sprained both ankles 3 months ago, I also landed pretty hard on my wrists.  My wrists that already had untreated RSI.  My wrists that have actually gotten progressively worse since then, which means that it's painful to move them in certain ways, and that while my arm muscles are relatively strong, I can't pick heavy things up because my wrists hurt and feel so weak.  Picking up my laptop with one hand is no longer an option.

My knees have been making a strange crackling sound for years now.  They used to hurt more, but now they only twinge a bit when I walk down stairs or hills.  They, like my ankles and wrists, feel wobbly and uncertain.

I haven't had dental insurance in years, which means I haven't been in for a cleaning in about 5 years.  Luckily, I had a privileged upbringing that included regular dental care, so my teeth could be much worse.  Still, I have retainers on the backs of my teeth that should have been removed 15 years ago, and I can tell I have a few cavities.

I worry that I will break or lose my glasses, since I don't have any sort of vision insurance and couldn't afford to buy new ones.

I might have a pre-cancerous spot on my nose, but I can't go to a dermatologist to find out.

So that's just me, and the issues I'm dealing with.  I had a privileged upbringing which certainly helped provide a more solid foundation for my health, but I'm also currently the poorest I've ever been and literally can't afford the low-income community clinic's co-pay of $10 right now.

The point of all this isn't to get pity, or to get resources (I have a few that I'm going to take advantage of), but just to say:  this is what it's like for one person, in relatively good health, with a decent amount of privilege.  This is a severely broken system and it's infinitely frustrating and infuriating. Public health systems are exhausting and extremely time-consuming to deal with, and frequently deliver sub-par quality of care (due to underfunding), if you can even qualify.

In closing:  grrrr.  arrrggghh.

Sexism, androcentrism and misogyny in women's communities, oh my!

This rant is brought to you by one of those posts of a friend-of-a-Facebook-friend who took the oh-so-brave stance of being against trans womens' inclusion at Mich.  She posted this though she knew she would be misunderstood and denigrated, the courageous soul!  SHE HAS TRANS FRIENDS, YOU GUYS!  Admittedly, though, it's the same crappy arguments/apologism/excuses I hear everywhere (which is why I'm not singling her out by linking to it), and this latest post was just the proverbial straw. Let the completely unedited, rambling ranting commence!

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the continued attitude that trans women are less-than – which is really what you're saying if you say you don't think trans women belong at women-only events. I'm tired of queer communities that get all up in arms over the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, but don't look at their own, day-to-day communities and the way trans women are excluded and made to feel unwelcome. I'm tired of being part of the problem myself. I'm tired of the fact that we can talk about this, shout about this, but not about sexism in queer women's communities. I'm tired of the androcentrism (definition: centered or focused on men or masculinity) in my culture, that continually glorifies masculinity at the expense of femininity. I hate the fact that we can't talk about it without being accused of being anti-trans or anti-male. Asking our queer communities to look honestly and deeply at sexism, androcentrism and misogyny is NOT anti-trans or anti-male.

Sometimes, I 'd like to take the language of excluding trans women and replace it with class-based language or the like: “I just want one week with other rich people to heal and celebrate. Is that too much to ask?”

Yes, actually, it is. Unless you plan on having the focus of that week being on your privilege as a rich person and how you can work to support poor people in their work for justice and equity – then, by all means, take a week with your rich community to work on your shit.

And yeah, y'know – maybe there are a few trans women who have some vestiges of entitlement from socialization as male. Let's just entertain that thought for a moment. It could be true. It's also true that I have seen plenty of dude-bro attitude and sexist bullshit from queer women, especially in butch-femme communities (of which I am a member). So let's not pretend that by excluding trans women, we are somehow magically protecting ourselves from misogyny, sexism and androcentrism.

Let's talk about how many queer women identify as fags and/or think gay men and gay male culture is hot. Now let's talk about how many queer men do the same with dykes (and I'm not talking about joking how they are lesbians because they like to garden and listen to the Indigo Girls)....

::crickets::.

...Yep, that's what I thought. This is a telling discrepancy, and what it tells me is that androcentrism runs deep, even in queer feminist communities, even when we don't think it does.

I think many of the anti-inclusion arguments are missing the important notion of interconnection. Without an understanding of how cisgender (non-trans) women can also have privilege, of course it seems fine to have “their own space.” I read many anti-inclusion arguments that repeatedly assure the reader that they love and support their trans friends, and really, truly, no really, don't misunderstand me! I believe they are sincere, but...if they really believed that their trans women friends are women – not just “identified as women” - then they would see the contradiction of their position. And I think they are confusing “safety” with “comfort.” I'm really tired of that conflation, especially when I see it most often from privileged, non-trans white women like myself. But I'm also thankful for it in a way – it's a good reminder to check myself, to try to work through my own discomfort whenever and wherever it arises and get to the root of it.

And yes – actually, I do think there is value in women-only space. We do still live in a misogynist world, and I've experienced for myself some of the relief, joy and healing that many speak of in attending this event, though it was marred by the knowledge that my trans sisters were not welcomed. I think most trans guys should self-exclude from events like Mich – because they are guys. I also embrace the fact that gender is often complicated and gloriously messy, so I'll support trans-masculine folks who also hold a female identity in some way in attending women-only events. Basically, I'm going to trust folks to know their own genders, lives and identities. 

Can we just do that – trust people?

Sexual Harassment: What Allies/Witnesses Can Do

A while back, a friend of mine asked what he could do when he sees this happening to a friend or stranger.  His concern was that as a dude, he didn't want to compound the situation by assuming or coming off as just another macho dude trying to help out a defenseless lady (I'm totally paraphrasing here).

And I think it's a good point.  I can think of at least a few incidences where a butch or masculine-identified lover of mine took it upon themselves to intervene in a situation where it wasn't at all warranted.  Example: I was out with my girlfriend, some guy ran into me or something - I can't quite recall, but the point is, it wasn't too egregious and I was already moving on.  But my girlfriend decided that she needed to defend my honor or something, and without checking in with me, got all aggro on the dude in question.  I was NOT happy.  Besides the fact that I'm not a big fan of street altercations, I was mostly pissed that she didn't ask me about it - that somehow she had to be the big bad butch protecting her little lady.  I ain't no little lady and if I need help, I'll ask for it.

While I'm not any sort of anti-sexual harassment advocate, I think that's my biggest advice:  ask the person being harassed.  Just ask.  If my girlfriend had just said, "hey, that guy was really rude to you and I'm pissed - do you want me to do anything about it?" then that would've given me the power to decide.

If, during my recent experience being harassed in downtown Olympia, there had been a bystander who'd hollered as they were walking past "hey, is that guy bothering you?  do you need some help" - that would've given me the power to say "yes, please, I feel unsafe" or "no, thanks, I've got this under control." (and for the record, oh, how I wish someone had been there to ask me that!)

The last thing I need is to feel like someone else thinks I am unable to decide for myself what I need - it's like a double-whammy of disempowerment.

In Seattle, I once witnessed a woman being verbally abused by a man.  I was across the street and hollered "excuse me, miss?  I don't think it's okay for him to be threatening you like that.  Do you want help?"  She said "no" and I said okay, but I did continue standing there for a little while, just in case.  It may not have been the perfect thing to say, and I have no idea if the situation was as bad as I thought, but at least the woman in question knew that someone noticed how she was being treated, that I thought it wasn't okay, and gave her the choice of accepting help or not.

Unfortunately, a quick Google search didn't turn up any resources for what bystanders can do, though there are good links for those who've been sexually harassed.

What do you think?  What do you want people to do if you're being sexually harassed?  What do you do when you witness others being sexually harassed?

yo estoy estudiando mucho

Es verdad.  I'm not really sure what's going to happen with this whole blogging thing.  I'm currently taking Language & Power, an excitingly challenging 12-credit program in sociolinguistics (the workload is way more like 16, though) and a 4-credit Beginning Spanish II class.  And I'm working 10-14 hours a week.  And I'm stressed out because even though I feel like I don't have enough time to get everything done (and done well), I need to figure out how to work in some extra actual paying work because finances are looking really fucking scary.

To those who work full-time and go to school full-time (not to mention those who do that AND are parents) while maintaining some semblance of a decent life:  ginormous kudos to you, my friend.  I don't know how you do it.  My hat is so far off to you that I'm like Mary Tyler Moore, walking down Nicollet Avenue.

ANYYYYYWAY...
Other than just being a post about how I'm not sure what's going to happen with posting, I also wanted to share something that struck me just now in one of my readings, English and the discourses of Colonialism by Alastair Pennycook:

"...the issue is not so much the truth and falsity of facts but the truth effects of discourse...As I discussed in Chapter 1, the issue for Indigenous Australians cannot merely be through 'positive' representations of themselves.  Such representations have already been reappropriated by an exoticizing, Orientalist discourse that turns Indigenous people into primitive beings in touch with the earth, a sort of New Age nomad doing dreamtime and painting the desert...such an exotified view of Aboriginal people already denies the history of colonialism that has inflicted such suffering..."

The phrase "'positive' representations" reminded me of USian gay rights organizations like the Mattachine Society, the Human Rights Campaign, and the current marriage equality movements, which sought and seek to normalize gay people as "just like everyone else."

The passage could easily be rewritten:

"...the issue is not so much the truth and falsity of facts but the truth effects of discourse...As I discussed in Chapter 1, the issue for LGBT people cannot merely be through 'positive' representations of themselves.  Such representations have already been reapprpriated by an exoticizing, heterosexist and gender essentialist discourse that turns LGBT people into hypersexualized beings in touch with their artistic sides, a sort of court jester providing comic relief for heterosexual and gender insecurity...such an exotified view of LGBT people already denies the history of heterosexism and gender essentialism that has inflicted such suffering..."

This kind of attempt to de-Other is understandable, but as Pennycook points out, it attempts to state facts rather than addressing the root of the problem:  the existing discourse (oh, Foucault, you tricky bastard you) is the problem and that's what needs to change.

As Pennycook also points out, this is an uphill battle and much harder to do, especially since so much of contemporary discourse is covert rather than overt. (Much like Pennycook's own repeated assertions thoughout the book, I offer all this not as a criticism of politics/people, but rather as a different way to frame the debate.)

Thoughts?

Linkety

My friend Trevor introduced me to a brilliant little thing called the interrobang (‽), which I am now in love with.  While poking around on the internets for more info on it, I found this, which is also brilliant.

We decided to call it a "deedge."

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/DN-dreamsider_19met.ART.State.Edition1.4375757.html - a pretty decent news story on the failure of the DREAM Act...this time.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/scocca/archive/2010/12/19/don-t-ask-do-tell-don-t-dream-twelve-senators-who-oppose-immigrants-more-than-they-oppose-homosexuals.aspx - a succinct post on those who voted for the repeal of DADT while also voting against the DREAM act

http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/04/12/we-are-the-dead-sex-assault-and-trans-women/ - not so recent, but important and well-outlined by CL Minou

http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/2010/08/20/antoine-dodsons-sister-on-invisibility-as-violence/#comment-1778?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter - "So now what do we do, because we obviously can’t take a black woman’s story of violence seriously? Well, that’s simple.  We marginalize the attack and focus the story on her brother, whose anger we can exploit because it fits into stereotypes of queer masculinity that provide comic relief. "

http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2010/12/20/bourdieu-the-%E2%80%9Chipster%E2%80%9D-and-the-authenticity-of-taste/ - Hipsters, explained.  No, really.

http://q4ej.org/military-job-is-not-economic-justice-qej-statement-on-dadt - "But QEJ believes military service is not economic justice, and it is immoral that the military is the nation’s de facto jobs program for poor and working-class people."

Monday Madison!

I mean, really.

In Support of Sady Doyle and #mooreandme

Twitter campaign: @MMFlint, #mooreandme

Folks, this is a problem.  Sady Doyle from Tiger Beatdown - along with many other people who are also speaking up -  is actually getting threatened, harassed and possibly stalked for having the audacity to call beloved "progressive" filmmaker Michael Moore on his rape apologism.

I say "progressive" in quotes, because y'know what?  It's actually NOT progressive to dismiss and attempt to discredit women's claims of rape.  It's not progressive to publish the victims' names.  It's not progressive to use a fucking Holocaust denier as one of your sources, for pete's sake.

As many, many other people have said, it is ENTIRELY possible to hold both thoughts:  that Julian Assange is being targeted by governments for his important work AND that any rape allegations should be taken seriously.  Much like one can hold that Roman Polanski has made some great films AND he's a child rapist.  People are complicated.  They can be awesome and talented in some ways and incredibly fucked up in others.  This is not rocket science.

So anyway, Sady Doyle.  She started a campaign, asking folks to tweet Michael Moore (@MMFlint) with the hashtag #mooreandme, asking him to stop being a rape apologist and to use his fame and influence to actually address the very real problem of sexual violence.  Whereupon, supporters of Moore (and others) started using the hashtag to make rape jokes, to threaten sexual violence against Sady and to continue to belittle rape survivors.  This is almost ironic, except it's so exceedinly fucked up.  It's indicative of a continuing problem.

Kate Harding has some really good things to say:

"Technically, he hasn’t come down on one side or the other here. But when you say “don’t believe the official story” and call the allegations “strange” and link to an article that casts a great deal of suspicion on the alleged victims–and where the primary sources are “people in contact with his entourage at the time,” his defense lawyers, and a Daily fucking Mail article that’s also based on anonymous sources–and p.s., you live in a culture where victims are routinely called liars and sexual assault allegations are routinely downplayed–you’re sending a message." - 

 http://kateharding.info/2010/12/18/why-im-on-board-with-mooreandme/

And here are some Tiger Beatdown posts from Sady Doyle about this:

"And you’re the face of the Left. You have the platform, you have the power, you have the cash and the fame and the name and face recognition: You claim to speak for us. And when you speak, you don’t stand against rape."

http://tigerbeatdown.com/2010/12/15/mooreandme-on-dude-progressives-rape-apologism-and-the-little-guy/

"“Because they want it to disappear,” I said. “That’s what they’re counting on. It’s been four days, they’re counting on the fact that the Internet has a short attention span and a bad memory, they’re counting on the fact that the trolls are going to scare us or make us feel so terrible that we can’t keep going, they’re counting on the fact that they can just let everybody harass us until we can’t keep going just for the sake of our own emotional and physical health, and they can just not respond, they can just have a nice weekend, while we keep fighting until we’ve been threatened and called whores and been scared for our safety or the safety of others enough, and then we’ll disappear and they can keep pretending that this isn’t happening, they can just keep pretending that it never happened.”

“AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHY WOMEN DROP RAPE CHARGES TOO,” I said. I remember this part very clearly because I was, in fact, yelling."

http://tigerbeatdown.com/2010/12/18/mooreandme-four-days-outside-the-tower-im-scared-im-tired-im-crying-and-i-wont-stop/

They all have links to original sources - I just do not have the time or energy to post them all here. But I will post links to local and national orgs working on the problem of sexual violence.  Get involved, donate if you can.  At minimum, educate yourself and speak up.

Twitter campaign: @MMFlint, #mooreandme

Safe Place - Olympia
Northwest Network - Seattle
CARA - Seattle
INCITE! - National
(In light of news that RAINN partners with orgs that discriminate against trans folk, I do not recommend donating to them.)

Want a comic that elegantly and hilariously breaks down sexism on the internets?  http://www.gabbysplayhouse.com/?p=1444

Sexual Harassment Comes Home

I've been sexually harassed.  A lot.  Just like most women (and when I say women, I am including trans women), really, and especially as a chubby woman with T&A, and as a woman with tattoos (those two factors seems to make people feel even more entitled to lasciviously comment on my appearance).  But I can remember being scared just two times.

When I lived in San Francisco several years ago, I frequently took cabs home from the bar or the grocery store.  The driver this time kept looking at me in his rearview mirror - like, staring a LOT, and started asking me personal questions (what's my name, do I have a boyfriend, etc.).  And I realized - fuck, I'm in HIS car, he has the power.  This is creepy and scary and I do NOT want him to know where I live.  So I told him to let me out about 4 blocks earlier than I'd planned, didn't tip him, and stood there and watched as he drove away.

And now, just last week, I was leaving a friend's holiday party.  I had to leave at 10pm so I could catch the last bus home on a Saturday night (oh, small towns and their public transportation!).  I was walking along State Street, about a block from the bus station, when a shiny black car with two young white guys drives slowly by and shouts at me "show us your titties?!"

(Let me add here a note about clothing.  Because of the whole stupid, misogynistic idea that wearing slutty things means its your own fault if you get harassed, and that that's why you get harassed.  It's winter in the Pacific Northwest, which means it was rainy, and I was wearing about 5 million layers - leggings, dress that goes to just above my knees, cardigan sweater, thick zip-up sweater, 2 scarves, armwarmers and a puffy vest.  Sexxxxxy.  I was totally asking for it dressed like that.)

This is the kind of thing I'm used to, and that has happened to me several many dozens of times and generally I respond by either not responding at all, or by flipping them off as I continue walking.  This time, I flipped them off.

And that's when it got scary.  Because they pulled into the parking lot I was crossing.  And there was no one else around.  It gets a little fuzzy at this point, because that's what happens to me when I'm scared or highly emotional - I kinda dissociate, apparently.  But I do remember wondering where my knife was and if I couldn't find that, maybe I could stab them with my knitting needles, and that I started yelling at them at the top of my lungs, something to the effect of "FUCK YOU!  YOU DO NOT FUCKING HARASS WOMEN LIKE THAT ON THE STREET AT NIGHT!  YOU NEED TO FUCKING LEAVE RIGHT NOW OR I AM CALLING THE COPS, YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES!"  And I kept walking, and they slowly pulled away after a few minutes.  I do not remember if or how they responded to what I said.

When I got to the (well-lit, populated) bus station, the adrenaline wore off and I was shaky with the realization of what easily could have happened.  I managed to hold it together until I got home and then I cried for a few minutes.  And part of it was yeah, I was scared because it came close to getting physical.  But the other part was the horrible reminder that this is what women (and others) live with every goddamned day.  The fear of violence, sexual violence is always there.  I don't care how fucking tough you are - pretty much every woman and has this in the back of their minds, even when we're not aware of it.

And really, I'm kinda curious what drives guys to do that sort of thing, and to think that it's okay to do.  I mean, do they think that downtown Oly at 10pm is Girls Gone Wild?  Do they think I'm going to be overcome with lust for them and blow them all in their cars?  Really, I want to know what's going on in those heads.

I was just lucky.  I was lucky that nothing happened.  Sure, I have a loud mouth and some righteous rage (by-products of a privileged white girl upbringing) and maybe that helped.  And maybe those particular guys would never actually physically assault someone.  But when at least 1 in 6 women is sexually assaulted in the US (and an estimated 60% of assaults go unreported), well, I'm no special snowflake just because it's never happened to me.  I would say that most of my friends have been sexually assaulted in some way, and I sometimes feel oddly guilty that I haven't been - like a perverse form of survivor guilt.

We need men to do more work on this.  We need men who will be active allies against sexual violence, who will speak up when they hear women being denigrated.  We need more men like Tony Porter, to challenge our society's idea that being a man must mean being violent and dominating.



And I know I'm not saying anything new here.  I think I mostly needed to post this for myself, to vent and to share, because that's what we humans do.

p.s. I like to fantasize about what it would have been like if my crazy, fear-aggressive dog had been with me. HAHAHAHAHA!  If I were Allie Brosh, I would draw you an awesome picture of it.

Remember that one time I was all, "I'm going to BLOG!"  Yeah, me too.  

I really like the idea of doing a blog, but as with many things in my life, it's the getting around to the doing of it that always trips me up.

Fall quarter is just about over, so I'm going to try to post during that time, in hopes of getting in the habit.

My writing class was a bit disappointing - not so challenging and not enough writing.  But I got a few good things out of it:

• a good start on an essay about the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival and the exclusion of trans women from queer women's spaces/community.  I really want to continue working on this and put it out to the public in some way eventually
• an invitation from one of my professors to write a short article for the Evening Weekend Studies circular, with a distribution of about 50,000.  It was nice to be recognized and invited, and it's nice to have something professional to start building a portfolio.  And I get a $25 gift card to the on-campus store and some sort of fancy thank-you letter from the Dean.
• a few new friends, connections to smart, nice people.
• more confidence in my existing writing skills and a desire to further them
• the knowledge that I want to focus my studies on more theoretical and academic learning

I'm hoping to get into a sociolinguistics class for next quarter, and a 2-credit writing class with Rebecca Brown (!).  And it looks like I'll be doing an independent study on passing and invisibility spring quarter.

My personal life has been up and down, with a lot of down.  There's work to be done and I'm doing some of that work.  So yay me, I guess.

Look for a rant or two soon...

xoxed

Monday Madison!

This is my dog, Madison.  He's got some intense behavior problems.  He's cost me literally thousands and thousands of dollars, caused several grey hairs to prematurely sprout and has almost given me heart attacks numerous times.  But get a load of this face.

I mean, really.  Ugh.

Linkety

New work from Erin M. Riley

http://myloveforyou.typepad.com/my_love_for_you/2010/09/new-work-erin-m-riley.html - textile art + sociological explorations of young women on the internets = awesome.


http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2010/09/skateboarder-stops-koran-burning.html - Hipster took a stand!  Go, hipster, go!


http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2010/09/13/guest-post-delusions-of-dimorphism/ - Ah, the joys of gender polarization.


http://bitchmagazine.org/post/size-matters-fat-acceptance-and-you - "There's also a misconception among many commenters that when I say "acceptance" I mean "approval" or even "support." I'm not asking you to approve of fat people's choices or fat itself. [...] I'm telling you that you need to accept fat people as human beings, treat us with respect, respect our personal choices (and by respect I don't mean "admiration") and keep your judgments to yourself while not allowing your personal biases to distort how you treat fat people. It's pretty simple."  I ♥ Tasha Fierce.



http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2010/09/kern-supporters-start-transphobic.html - "“If Rep. Kern and her allies spent as much time focusing on Oklahoma’s future as they seem to spend worrying about my past, maybe we could keep teachers in the classroom and rebuild our crumbling infrastructure,” Novotny said." Brittany Novotny is a transwoman (among many other things) who is running against bigot Sally Kern.

http://www.campusprideblog.org/blog/release-first-ever-national-report-chronicles-lgbt-experience-us-colleges-universities - A few key findings:
• LGBQ Respondents of Color were more likely than their LGBQ White counterparts to indicate race as the basis for harassment, and were significantly less likely than LGBQ White respondents to feel very comfortable or comfortable in their classes (60%, 65%, respectively).
• [...]those who identified as transmasculine, transfeminine, and gender non-conforming (GNC) experienced significantly higher rates of harassment than men and women

http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/a_little_missed_sunshine_20100914/ - C'mon Obama - how hard is it to put a few damn solar panels on the White House?  Crikey.

http://www.thenation.com/blog/154649/us-soldier-who-committed-suicide-after-she-refused-take-part-torture - "The official probe of her death would later note that earlier she had been "reprimanded" for showing "empathy" for the prisoners. One of the most moving parts of the report, in fact, is this: "She said that she did not know how to be two people; she…could not be one person in the cage and another outside the wire."  (Don't miss part 2 as well - linked at the bottom of the post)

After that last link, I feel that we need to end on a happyfuntimes note.




My friend Alicia turned me on to this and I was all "oh, cool!"  And then I visited their site:  http://www.upandoverit.com/live.html - turns out they are takin' traditional Irish dance to a whole new level.  I am so in love with this.

The Trouble with Gaga

I'm not a fan of Lady Gaga.  There, I said it.  I know that every gay and their sister thinks she's brilliant and amazing and I just. don't. get it.  In fact, I didn't even realize I'd already been hearing her music because those songs sound just like every other song I heard in my gay club-going youth in the 90's (in fact, at The Gay 90's.  Yep, she has wacky outfits.  She's down with the gays.  She can deliver a catchy pop dance hook.  But...

The wacky, avant-garde costumes and performances?  She's got a predecessor in Grace Jones (and many others, I'm sure - I'm just not well-versed enough to know them off the top of my head).  The meat dress?  Please.  Feminist artists like Jana Sterbak did that years ago and with a lot more thought and intent.  Fetishizing disability and using folks as props?  Not. Cool. Choosing to make the repeal of DADT her statement when millions of eyes are on her?  Well, that's nice and all, I guess, but there are so many other issues she could have chosen.

And y'know, one could make the argument that there's nothing new under the sun and that everyone's work is derivative in some way.  My point here is that she makes absolutely no acknowledgment of her predecessors (to my knowledge) and I find that problematic and privileged.  She could be using her fame to at least acknowledge these trailblazers that came before her and introduce their work to her fans.  It's her choice not to do so and it's my choice to find that irksome.

Jack Halberstam over at Bully Bloggers did a scathing takedown of Camille Paglia's recent ridiculous piece on Gaga.  I am definitely a fan of Halberstam's work and Halberstam is definitely a fan of Gaga.  And personally, I loathe Paglia and agree with many of Halberstam's points.  Paglia's main method of making an argument appears to rest on tired old pop psychology tropes (men r awesome and created the world cuz they pee standing up?  Freud much?  Ew.)

But (and I fully recognize that I've got nothing on Halberstam's academical prowess, but here I go anyway), while I think Paglia's obsession with framing Gaga as a Madonna-stealer misses the mark, I am wondering why Halberstam's analysis of Gaga doesn't touch on things like Grace Jones and Jana Sterbak?  Especially when one considers the long history of white artists appropriating music from people of color while simultaneously ignoring or denying said appropriation Elvis, anyone?).  And while I think Paglia is grasping at straws, the one thing I do agree with is that yeah, I do think it's good to give some props to the people who came before you, who inspired you, who paved the way.  Otherwise, it just feels too much like appropriation and almost plagiarism to me.


(The video is Grace Jones' Slave to the Rhythm, a dance song.  It features many stills and video shots of Grace Jones in various artistic and experimental ways, including: a car driving out of her mouth, avant-garde fashion, black latex outfits, etc.)

Welcome

I really wanted to post a clip of Jerri Blank and her infamous "I've got something to say!" by way of introduction, but the copyright gods are not smiling upon me.

I decided to start this blog because I realized that I was basically using Facebook as a blog.  This way, I get to have my rants and other people get to read them if they're actually interested, not just because it showed up in their friend feed.

I expect I will rant on topics including, but not limited to, politics and theory pertaining to:

• race
• gender
• feminism
• queers
• transgender
• adoptee/adoption
• fat activism/health at every size
• ability
• femmes
• class
• privilege
• passing
• pop culture
• being a "nontraditional" student
• my dog (because I'm totally one of those people)
• and anything else that strikes my fancy/makes me ranty

Now let's get this party started with a video that I was just introduced to yesterday:


(the video for El Tigeraso features Dominican-American artist Maluca.  the music is fast-paced, she raps melodically, she walks down the street wearing a red leather bustier and curlers in her hair, encountering various people; men watch her and she scoffs at them.  she ends up performing in a club with two other female musicians.)

Can we PLEASE talk about how awesome this is?  I mean, besides the music.  Firstly, it is femmetastic!  I covet those fringed backseam tights like whoa.  Bronx-born Dominican artist Maluca is full of smart hotness. I love the way she rocks the black leather jacket near the end, with her all-lady backing band, no less!

But secondly, the explicit depiction of objectification theory in action is fabulous.  What stands out for me is the calling of attention to it:  At first, it seems almost like your basic sexy thin lady getting ready, being looked at on the street, in the salon, etc.  Where it takes the interesting turn is right at the 2:45 mark.  Before, the men were regarding her in passing - now they are in a circle around her.  She is in the middle of their objectification, she sees it, and spits it right back at them, full of contempt and dismissal.

Also, notice the way the gazes differ:  the women on the street are usually smiling and laughing with her; the men are uniformly rather stone-faced and appraising, and in some cases, almost menacing (if you've experienced street harassment, you know what I'm sayin'.).

I want to know more about this Maluca Mala person, from her own mouth.  Often artists (especially ones involved with any sort of pop-ish music) won't talk much about their artistic intention, but I hope to hear more from her.

In conclusion:  YES, YES, and oh btw, YES.